Can you lose your soul while doing the work of God? I have seen my own sinfulness more obviously while being in the mission field, doing what I hope is “the work of God”. The stresses of life are greater, the tension is magnified, and you have to depend on God so much. I am not very well trained in depending on God. I was very self-sufficient in the US (or at least that is the way I felt and perceived myself). Here in the mission field, I am dependent on others to pay for everything (thank you supporters), we can barely get work done on anything in the house when we need help (we will be there tomorrow turns into one month later), our kids education is a constant struggle (how long can you continue hoping that next year it will work out?), and the list goes on and on. I worry, complain, and indulge my sinful nature instead of clinging to the one who is in control of all things. I watch other missionaries experience the same. I see the sinfulness and weakness of our leadership (no greater than my own), as they try and cope with the strain of carrying the hospital on their weary shoulders. I was talking with a friend and she told me how she had been to a lecture about leadership, and the teachers had said that two thirds of all the men of leadership in the Bible ended poorly. Only one third (especially in the old testament) persevered in faithfulness until the end. The burden and weight of the office drove them to look for strength in themselves or in other things instead of in God. These men chosen by God in the end rejected the one who made them who they were.
Please pray for the leadership of our hospital. Please pray for the rest of us who try and serve faithfully in stressful and tiring circumstances. We need God’s help and we welcome your prayers. I hope we all can remember that is God who makes us able to do the things he has prepared in advance for us to do!
Thanks for being so honest. I sometimes think everyone has it together except me. I’m grateful for s God that is always near.
Sent from my iPhone
I think of all of you often and how hard and challenging it is.
I had a lesson on Psalm 121 last night and thought of you, those hills that surround you, and the slippery path you used to take to work every day. I think I will keep reading it and keep praying about you all and imagine the many wonderful ways God will help you.